Band 6.0 model answer
241 wordsWhen young people choose a career, some of them look first at the salary, and others choose a job that they will enjoy. In my opinion, both things are important, but enjoyment is more important for a long life.
On the one hand, money is necessary for a normal life. A person must pay for a flat, for food, for transport and for the education of his children. If the salary is low, the family has problems every month, and this stress affects the health and the relationships of the person. A good salary also gives security: if somebody in the family becomes ill, the person can pay for treatment immediately.
On the other hand, people spend most of their life at work. Usually a person works eight hours every day for forty years, so if he hates his job, he is unhappy for a very long time. A person who likes his work does it better, learns faster and often gets a promotion, so in the end he can earn a good salary too.
In addition, many people with a high salary have a lot of stress and no free time. They earn a lot of money but they cannot enjoy it, because they work until late every evening.
In conclusion, I think a person should choose a job that he enjoys, but the salary must be enough to live comfortably. The best choice is a job which gives both.
Why this is Band 6.0
- Both views are covered and an opinion is offered, but the essay lists advantages of each rather than comparing them.
- Cohesion is clear and mechanical, and the opinion appears mostly at the end.
- Vocabulary is adequate with heavy repetition of job, money and people.
- Sentence forms are mainly simple and compound with limited variation.