Band 6.0 model answer
242 wordsObesity and diabetes are serious problems in many countries today. Because of this, some governments want to put a special tax on food and drinks which contain a lot of sugar and fat. I agree with this policy, but I think it cannot solve the problem alone.
Firstly, when the price of something goes up, people usually buy less of it. This already happened with cigarettes in many countries. If a bottle of sweet drink becomes more expensive, some families will buy water or juice instead, and children will drink less sugar. This is a simple way to change the habits of a large number of people at the same time.
Secondly, the government can use the money from this tax for health. It can build sport centres, give free fruit in schools, or pay for medical treatment. So the tax helps in two ways: it reduces the bad food and it gives money for good programmes.
On the other hand, this tax is not fair for everybody. Poor families spend a big part of their salary on food, so they will feel the price increase much more than rich families. Also, unhealthy food is often cheaper than healthy food, so poor people cannot easily change their diet.
In conclusion, I support this tax because it can reduce the consumption of unhealthy products, but the government must also make healthy food cheaper, otherwise the tax only makes life harder for poor people.
Why this is Band 6.0
- A clear position with relevant reasons on both sides, but the ideas are general — the essay says people will buy less without explaining when price actually changes behaviour.
- Cohesion is correct and visible, relying on Firstly, On the other hand and In conclusion.
- Vocabulary is adequate with some good topic items (unhealthy, consumption) but noticeable repetition.
- Sentence forms are mainly simple and compound with occasional complex clauses.